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    数据笑话¡ª¡ª烧脑版

    2016-3-14 22:33| 发布者: admin| 查看: 3383| 评论: 0|来自: 医学统计分析精粹

    摘要: 是的£¬烧脑£¡很多酷姐自己都看不懂~£¡Are you a Statistician / Data Analyst£¿ You are Funny£¡你是个统计学?#19968;?#32773;是个数据分析师吗£¿你好幽默£¡咔哒~开始£¡A statistician¡¯s wife had twins. He was delighted. H ...

    是的£¬烧脑£¡很多酷姐自己都看不懂~£¡


    Are you a Statistician / Data Analyst£¿ You are Funny£¡


    你是个统计学?#19968;?#32773;是个数据分析师吗£¿你好幽默£¡


    咔哒~开始£¡


    A statistician¡¯s wife had twins. He was delighted. He rang the minister who was also delighted. ¡°Bring them to church on Sunday and we¡¯ll baptize them£¬¡± said the minister. ¡°No£¬¡± replied the statistician. ¡°Baptize one. We¡¯ll keep the other as a control.¡±


    一统计学家的老婆生了对双胞胎¡£他很高兴£¬打电话给牧师¡£牧师也很高兴£¬¡°周日带他们来教堂£¬我们给他们洗礼¡£¡±统计学?#19968;?#20182;£º¡°不¡£给一个洗礼就好£¬另一个我们要用来作控制组¡£¡±



    Two statisticians were traveling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight£¬ the pilot announced that they had lost an engine£¬ but don¡¯t worry£¬ there are three left. However£¬ instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York.


    两个统计学家正在洛杉矶飞往纽约的飞机上¡£大约飞行了一个小时£¬飞行员广播告诉大家£¬有个发动机坏了£¬但是不用担心£¬还有三个¡£只是£¬五个小时的航程将延至7个小时¡£


    A little later£¬ he announced that a second engine failed£¬ and they still had two left£¬ but it would take 10 hours to get to New York.


    不久£¬飞行员又广播说£¬又坏了一个发动机£¬还剩两个£¬航程将延至10小时¡£


    Somewhat later£¬ the pilot again came on the intercom and announced that a third engine had died. Never fear£¬ he announced£¬ because the plane could fly on a single engine. However£¬ it would now take 18 hours to get to New York.


    过了一会£¬飞行员又到对?#19981;?#21069;广播£¬第三个发动机熄火了¡£¡°无须害怕£¬只有一个发动机£¬飞机也能飞¡£只是£¬需要18个小时才能到纽约¡£¡±


    At this point£¬ one statistician turned to the other and said£¬ ¡°Gee£¬ I hope we don¡¯t lose that last engine£¬ or we¡¯ll be up here forever£¡¡±


    这时£¬其中一个数据学家对另一个说到£¬¡°天啊£¬希望最后这个发动机别坏了£¬不然我们就永?#23545;?#22825;上了¡£¡±



    Patient£º ¡°Will I survive this risky operation£¿¡±


    Surgeon£º ¡°Yes£¬ I¡¯m absolutely sure that you will survive the operation.¡±


    Patient£º ¡°How can you be so sure£¿¡±


    Surgeon£º ¡°9 out of 10 patients die in this operation£¬ and yesterday died my ninth patient.¡±


    病人£º¡°我这高风?#24080;?#26415;能成功吗£¿¡±


    医生£º¡°能的¡£我敢肯定你会活过来的¡£¡±


    病人£º¡°你怎么那么肯定£¿¡±


    医生£º¡°这个手术的成活率是十分之九¡£昨天£¬我的第九个病人过世了¡£¡±



    One day there was a fire in a wastebasket in the office of the Dean of Sciences. In rushed a physicist£¬ a chemist£¬ and a statistician. The physicist immediately starts to work on how much energy would have to be removed from the fire to stop the combustion.


    有天£¬科学系主任办公室的一个废纸篓着火了¡£物理学家¡¢化学家和统计学家冲了进来¡£物理学家开始计算把火扑灭需要消除火里多少能量¡£


    The chemist works on which reagent would have to be added to the fire to prevent oxidation. While they are doing this£¬ the statistician is setting fires to all the other wastebaskets in the office.


    化学家琢磨需要向火里添?#37038;?#20040;?#32422;?#26469;防止氧化¡£这两位忙活时£¬统计学家将办公室里其他所有的废纸篓都点着了¡£


    ¡°What are you doing£¿¡± the others demand. The statistician replies£¬ ¡°Well£¬ to solve the problem£¬ you obviously need a larger sample size.¡±


    ¡°你在干嘛£¿¡±另两位问他¡£统计学?#19968;?#31572;到¡°呃£¬要解决这问题£¬你们显然需要更大的样本量¡£



    Three statisticians went out hunting£¬ and came across a large deer. The first statistician fired£¬ but missed£¬ by a meter to the left. The second statistician fired£¬ but also missed£¬ by a meter to the right. The third statistician didn¡¯t fire£¬ but shouted in triumph£¬ ¡°On the average we got it£¡¡±


    三个统计学家外出打猎£¬发现了一只很大的鹿¡£第一个统计学家开了一枪£¬偏左一米£¬没打中¡£第二个统计学家开枪射击£¬偏右一米£¬也没打中¡£第三个统计学家没开枪£¬却欢呼着¡°平均来看£¬我们打中了£¡¡±



    A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a true/false test£¬ so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The statistics professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin ¡­ writing the answer ¡­ flipping the coin ¡­ writing the answer.


    一统计学专业的学生一整天都在期末考试¡£这是场真假测验题¡£于是他决定用?#23376;?#24065;来作答¡£统计学教授看着这个学生整整两个小时都在?#23376;?#24065;¡¢写答案¡¢?#23376;?#24065;¡¢写答案¡£


    At the end of the two hours£¬ everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student£¬ saying£¬ ¡°Listen£¬ I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test£¬ you didn¡¯t even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer£¬ what is taking you so long£¿¡± The student replies bitterly (as he is still flipping the coin)£¬ ¡°Shhh£¡ I am checking my answers£¡


    两小时考试快要结束了£¬除了这个学生£¬其他学生都离开了考场¡£于是£¬教授走到他桌前£¬打断了他£¬¡°听着£¬我知道你没有为这个统计测试好好学习¡£你甚至都没打开试卷¡£如果你是靠?#23376;?#24065;来决定答案£¬怎么用了这么长时间£¿¡±这个学生一边抛着硬币一边很郁闷地答到¡°嘘£¡我正在检查答案¡£¡±



    A company manager is flying across the desert in a hot air balloon when he realizes he is lost. He calls down to a man riding a camel below him and asks where he is.


    一公司经理乘坐热气球飞越沙漠£¬突然意识到迷路了¡£?#26053;?#27491;有个骑骆驼的人经过£¬于是他叫住骑骆驼的人£¬并问他现为何处¡£


    The man replies ¡°You¡¯re 42 degrees and 12 minutes£¬ 21.2 seconds north£¬ 122 degrees £¬ 10 minutes west£¬ 212 metres above sea level£¬ heading due east by north east.¡±


    骑骆驼的人回答到¡°你所在为北纬42度12分21.2秒£¬西经122度10分£¬海拔212米£¬从东北向正东方向¡£¡±


    ¡°Thanks£¬¡± replies the balloonist. ¡°By the way£¬ are you a data analyst£¿¡±


    热气球驾驶员£º¡°谢谢你¡£顺便问下£¬你是数据分析师吗£¿¡±


    ¡°Yes£¬¡± replies the man£¬ ¡°how did you know£¿¡±


    ¡°是的£¬我是¡£¡±骑骆驼的人答到£¬¡°你怎么知道的呢£¿¡±


    ¡°Everything you told me was totally accurate£¬ you gave me way more information than I needed and I still have no idea what I need to do.¡±


    驾驶员£º¡°你刚告诉我的信息非常精确£¬比我需要的信息还多£¬但?#19968;?#26159;不知道我该怎么办¡£¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry£¬¡± replied the camel-riding analyst. ¡°By the way£¬ are you a company manager£¿¡±


    骑骆驼的分析师£º¡°我很抱歉¡£顺便问你下£¬你是公司经理吗£¿¡±


    ¡°Yes£¬¡± said the balloonist£¬ ¡°how did you know£¿¡±


    热气球驾驶员£º¡°是的¡£你是怎么知道的£¿¡±


    ¡°Well£¬¡± replied the analyst£¬ ¡°You¡¯ve got no idea where you are£¬ no idea what direction you¡¯re heading in£¬ you got yourself into this fix by blowing a load of hot air£¬ and now you expect me to get you out of it.¡±


    数据分析师£º¡°呃£¬你不知道你在哪里£¬不知道你现在飞往什么方向£¬你吹着大量热气把自己困在这儿£¬现在你却期望我能帮你走出去¡£¡±



    Question£º What¡¯s the difference between an introverted data analyst & an extroverted one£¿


    问£º¡°内向的数据分析师和外向的数据分析师有什么不一样£¿¡±


    Answer£º the extrovert stares at YOUR shoes.


    答£º¡°外向的盯着的是你的鞋子¡£¡±



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